YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
