Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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