Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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