Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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