just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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