I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sponge bath it is.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
