We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think my fart just growled at me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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