im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
