i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
