sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
