My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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