I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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