could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
