girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
