Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
