Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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