chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
