I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
