i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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