I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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