It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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