I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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