Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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