Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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