my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
