I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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