I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
