my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize