Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
