oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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