Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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