my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
