hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
