I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
