Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
