it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
