she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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