Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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