508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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