are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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