Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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