I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
