i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
