I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
