I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
