Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
