So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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