I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
