I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
