Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
