I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
