i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dick very happy bro
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
