its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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