she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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