VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
