So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
