check it out our google latitudes are spooning
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
