3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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