Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
