what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
