Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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