i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
