why didn't you poke me back
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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