The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
