Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
