cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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