After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please don't give away my fajitas
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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