Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
