She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so let's talk penis.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
