You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
