Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
