Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
