Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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