I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
