my phone needs a breathalizer
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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