I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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