Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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