HIV tests are more positive than that guy
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
