Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize